I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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