Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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