Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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