but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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