Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
