i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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