I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
