Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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