im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
