i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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