There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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