You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
