You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize