what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
