hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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