I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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