I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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