nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Someone came in the potted fern
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
