the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
