tonight lets celebrate not being married
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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