Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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