Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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