she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
