Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
