I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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