Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
