Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
