I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
