Do you still have your period?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
