He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
