You're so nebulous sometimes
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
