Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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