if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
