Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
