dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I supernannyed him into submission
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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