This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
