I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
