Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
