I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
