told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
