lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize