i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize