right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
