My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
