On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
