I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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