All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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