My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
