if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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