It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she smelled like a LAN party
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize