Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
