My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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