She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
