we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
