I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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