I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
