I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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