I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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