I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
