I am puke
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
