We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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