this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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