I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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