Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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