think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
