I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
