Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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