I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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