Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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