he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
