I seem to have left my pride at pride
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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