I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Couch. On fire.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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