I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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