those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
