I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
