Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
