Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
