you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
