So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
