im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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