Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
