so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
