the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize