first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
