She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
