Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
