you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are we still banned from the library?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
