ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
