My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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