my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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